Transformation, It’s not all Peace, Love, and Light

Transformation (It’s not always Peace, Love and Light)

 After a year of COVID, it felt nice to be with a group of friends again.

Every Saturday evening for the past few months my wife and I meet at a friend's house for “movie night.” It’s a good excuse for me to order from my favorite Thai restaurant. Conversation is lively and covers a wide range of topics.  At times, there may be differing points of view but we give each other the consideration and space to express ourselves without fear of judgment or ridicule. It’s rich, thought provoking and often inspiring.

 But when it comes to the movies we watch, it’s a completely different story. One person in particular always votes for happy, feel good movies and will not budge or even entertain other choices, to the point of threatening to leave. If anything comes up in a movie that “bothers'' her, she will close her eyes and ears, sometimes humming to herself to block out the dialogue and sounds. We’ve tried different kinds of movies, but usually end up giving in to light, happy, funny comedies, rom coms or inspirational Hallmark type films.

 While I am a big fan of feeling good, I also am okay with being challenged -- emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually -- even if it means feeling uncomfortable. The dark side of ourselves is the balance to peace, love, and light. Movies can be a way to help us see and experience that. Both the light and the dark are a part of who we are.

 Think of the ying yang symbol.

Transformation is not all peace, love, and light.  It can be dirty and ugly. It’s messy and uncomfortable. When we avoid acknowledging the “darker” side of ourselves and humanity, we effectively bypass a part of who we are. We continue doing what we’ve always done. We sweep uncomfortable feelings under the rug, or stuff them in a corner to make them go away.  Of course we do this! It’s what we were taught to do; push what we don’t like to the side and act as if it doesn’t exist.

 I grew up in an Andy of Mayberry, Leave it to Beaver, Father Knows Best world. America was a tranquil  (albeit distorted) vision  of grass lawns and white picket fences where Dads worked  and Moms stayed at home baking and caring for the family.

 Maybe you grew up with Family Ties or Hannah Montana. Same thing; always a happy ending.

 And yet the world raged on. Vietnam, the Gulf War, Iraq. Exxon Mobile and deforestation of the Amazon and Indonesia.  You get the picture. We longed for the idyllic life and ignored the world around (and inside of) us.

 In lots of ways we are still doing that.

 We all have a shadow side. It is, and alway will be, a part of us. To ignore it and look the other way will not make it go away. In doing so we negate a significant part of who we are. It is band aid spirituality and what it actually does is stunt our spiritual growth. When the discomfort is too much, we “bypass” it, and choose the easy way out.

 We need to be uncomfortable in order to grow. Without the challenge of discomfort, how will we know true peace and love? More importantly, how will we know wholeness, both within and around us, if we insist on rejecting the parts of ourselves we don’t like?

When we are living in spiritual bypass, we deny life in ALL its forms. That to me is not living in authenticity. It is a conditional life, based only on a part of who I am.

 The greater majority of the work I do is with people who have buried their shadow side or were told to “look the other way” and not pay attention to the trauma and pain they experienced. Most of us weren’t taught, nor did we have the tools, to know what to do when our shadow reared its ugly head. We had no way of navigating the uncharted waters of our anger, sadness, grief, rage and jealousy, except to bury them inside and hide behind a happy face.

 But at a certain point in our lives, we can’t keep up the facade. Our soul is near exploding with a longing to be real, authentic and vibrantly human, in all its messy glory. If you’re ready to face your shadows, I would love to work with you.

 Together, we create a safe space so you can let all the messy parts out of the box and hear what they have to say. We open the space with compassion and love and integrate what has long been denied so you can finally be whole and free. So you can be the best you that you can possibly be.

 This isn’t therapy or just sitting and talking through the old stories. This is all about going to the core, meeting what’s there, and then to have the tools to be able to know what to do the next time your shadow jumps out of a dark corner. You’ll be better equipped to navigate your life, in all of its beautiful forms.

 If you want your world to be all rainbows and unicorns, this work is probably not for you.

 But if you are ready for real change, let me be your guide.

 Get Back On Track is a free 30 minute Session where we’ll identify an issue in your life that’s challenging you right now, find out why you haven’t been able to move past it, and come up with a solution you’ll be able to take away with you.  We will also talk about a healing plan that will help you start to break down the old barriers and patterns, so you can begin to make the most out of your life.

My life is light, authentic, and vivid because of the work I do with James. This is despite the tremendous, and often tumultuous challenges I face in my life and career. Time with James has opened me to healing and vitality on a cellular and spiritual level. I possess a deeper understanding and love for myself, my husband, my children and my livelihood.

Sarah Graves; Professional Business and Lifestyle Coach, Corporate Consultant, and Motivational Speaker  /Portland, Oregon

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 “I truly cannot even begin to explain what a huge impact James has had in my life.  I was absolutely amazed at the depth of James' intuition in understanding how to help me break through my blocks and feel lighter and more focused than I ever have before.”

Tiffany Armstrong, CEO, Tiffany Armstrong Coaching and Consulting