Going Quiet Inside
“The thing is, no matter what I do I can’t make my mind stop,” said Susan. We were in a session and she was telling me how stressed she was. ”It keeps me up at night. Even if I’m dead tired, as soon as I close my eyes, my mind goes crazy and it won’t stop. My worries and fears come out of hiding to haunt me again. I eventually fall asleep and if I’m lucky I get a couple hours of fitful rest. I’m so tired the next day that I get irritable, which only makes matters worse. Can you make it stop?”
I knew what Susan was feeling and could empathize with what she was going through. There were times in my life where sleepless nights were commonplace for me. I didn’t know how to shut my mind off. It was years before I finally got tired of what was happening and learned how to “get quiet inside”.
We live in a world of constant overstimulation. Work, family, the news, social media, noise pollution, traffic. (just to name a few) It’s overwhelming and extremely stressful. Everything in our modern environment is designed to keep us in a constant state of overwhelm and stress.
As a result, our overworked, keyed-up brains are stuck in survival mode. We’ve literally forgotten where the shut off switch is. We long for peace and know there has to be a better way to live our life, we just don’t know what that looks like or where to begin.
The answer is not as difficult as you might think it is.
“What if you were to stop right now,” I said, “and just take a breath. Bring as much focus as you can to your breath. Feel the air as it moves through your nose, down the back of your throat, and into your lungs. See and feel yourself breathe in and out.” I watched as Susan took a breath. “Now, follow the feeling inwards as your lungs expand and your chest gently rises. Get in touch with your breath as you exhale.
“As you take another breath, focus on the sensation of the air as it moves in, then out of you.” Awesome! Take another breath and as you exhale give your body permission to let go of whatever stress it is holding on to and consciously feel the tension in your body being released.”
I notice a slight drop in her shoulders and her face slowly soften. We continue for another few minutes as she becomes more aware of what her body feels like as she focuses on her breath.
“I know this may sound like a silly question, but how often do you think about or remember to breathe,” I ask her? “Funny you should say that,” Susan says. “ I’ve been noticing recently, especially in stressful situations, that I find myself holding my breath.”
“How do you feel now,” I ask? “Strangely calm,” she replies. She seemed shocked by her comment. “I feel the tension unwinding inside me and my body starting to relax. I can also see a part of me that is confused because it’s not used to feeling this way.” “You know, what we did took maybe two minutes,” I said. “What would happen if you reminded yourself to check in a few times a day or anytime you begin to feel stressed or overwhelmed. How would that change things?”
Tears are gently rolling down her cheeks as she says, “ In my rush to get everything done and take care of everyone, I’ve forgotten to take care of myself. I didn’t realize what I’ve been doing to my body and how it’s been affecting my life. I’m shocked because I didn’t think it could be this simple.”
“It’s taken me years to learn this,” I say to her. “ I felt the same way when I realized what I was doing to myself. I was exhausted, my body was depleted, and I was an inch away from a nervous breakdown. I had to re-learn how to live my life.
As crazy as it sounds, I noticed that when I do take care of myself, I’m not as stressed out. I actually have more time for everything, and everyone in my life.”
“How do you feel now?” “Still calm,” she said. “This may sound odd, but I feel a quiet space inside me. I can also feel the part of me that wants to pull me back into feeling stressed but I can also feel the calmness and see now that I have a way to kee[ stepping back into that calm space.”
“Good,” I said! “Your homework till I see you next time is to start catching yourself when you feel the stress beginning to overwhelm you. Stop, no matter what you’re doing, and take a few breaths. You can do this anywhere and at any time. It’s an internal awareness you’re building. I also suggest that you take a few minutes in the morning, and at night to focus on your breath and help your body relax and unwind. I promise, if you can keep this up, your life will begin to change. It’s going to take a little work, but I know you can do it.”
“I can see that it’s going to take practice to shift the way I’ve been living my life,” said Susan. “ But if I can feel this good this quickly I’m sold,” said Susan. “The knot in my stomach is almost gone and it feels like it’s easier to breathe. And I don’t feel the stress that always seems to be a part of my life as strongly as I did a few minutes ago.”
Susan’s face had completely changed. Her body was relaxed and her shoulders weren’t drooping and hunched over. She was even smiling, a world of difference from the person I had been speaking to at the beginning of our session.
I told her how proud I was of her for being brave and taking that first step. “I know you are going to succeed. I have faith in you,” I said. “I know I am too,” she said. “I like how I feel inside too much to go back to the way I’ve been.”
Susan is just an example of the many people I talk to daily, who are living their lives this way. The truth is, most of us were never taught how to deal with stress in our lives. We’re told to suck it up ,dry your tears, and get on with it. Ignoring your stress and pain is not a permanent solution. It only leads to further complications down the line. Continued stress will eventually break the body down and make it more prone to illness and disease. It’s an epidemic in our world right now.
It’s time to take charge of your life again, or possibly for the first time. You owe it not only to yourself, but to the people around you who care and love you. It’s time to get your stress under control. It is possible. I’ve done it for myself and help people everyday learn to manage their energy and their lives in a different way. It’s not rocket science. You may just need help breaking the cycle.
For more information, or if you’d like to take advantage of James’ free 30 minute “Get Back On Track” Strategy Session, you can reach out to him here: